Virtual Schools

Can traditional schools replace virtual schools? In the modern age virtual schools have played a significant role. The Virtual classroom is a new and appealing way of studying, which might make(ww.) more interesting.(for whom?). Students study via the internet, and they are not dependant on books and stationery, but on the computer.

This is a great start, but where is the rest?
(30)
Daphna

24 Ahron Yariv St.

Holon

December 3, 2009

Ms. Gilat Simon
The Principal Office
Kugel high school
1 Mota-Gur St.
Holon

Dear Gilat,

This year, as it is already a custom, thousands of 11th grade students, have been given the opportunity to go on a trip to Poland, following the roots of the Jewish nation. This trip is very significant to Israelis and Jews; therefore, I want to take part in this important journey. I am writing this letter because I would like to complain about the enormous price of this journey, which many students can’t afford.

This journey to Poland has a lot of importance to the Jewish life. Many students want to follow this part of our history, but unfortunately their economic situation prevents this desire. It is not right, and it is a discrimination, that only those with economic abilities can go through this emotional experience, which affect(gr.) the continued observation about life.(phr. - not clear what you mean)

Moreover, the main propose of this journey is to remember and not to forget. The best way to remember and try to understand what happened in the Holocaust is by exploring its routs in freezing Poland. But when the price is too high, the students can’t smell the smell(phr.) of horror, and can’t see the places, where six milion innocent victims lived and weremurdered .

To conclude, I believe that it is our government's duty to show(ww.) initiative and finance this journey, so that every teenager in Israel will have the ability to be a part of the expedition going to Poland. I hope you will invest your entire endeavors to lower the price and make this journey approachable for every 11th grader in your school.

I look forward to your reply.

Sincerely yours,

Emilia Cooper

Very good work.

(92)

Daphna

A Summer's Reading

George Stoyonovich is the main character of the “A Summer’s Reading”. George is a twenty-year-old young man, who lives with his father and sister in a poor New-York neighborhood. George’s attempt to make a change in his life, made me understand that life can be better only if we change our attitude.

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At the age of sixteen, George dropped out of school. This lack of education leads George to a point in which he can hardly find an honorable job to finance himself. He spends his time reading shallow magazines, brought home by his sister Sophie. He also likes wandering about in the streets, trying to escape his gloomy reality and find some peace. He grows up in an unsupportive environment, and it makes it difficult for him to begin a fresh start.

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His desire to change his life significantly is interfered with his remarkable laziness and immaturity. He doesn't have enough willpower to pick up a worthwhile book and read it till the end. Everything in George's life changes considerably thanks to Mr. Cattanzara, his neighbor. Mr. Cattanzara spreads rumors about George, which change the attitude of the neighborhood people for the better. People begin respecting him and treat him kindly. It makes him feel confident and more appreciative of his life.

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At the beginning of the story, I thought that George's character was not interesting and disappointing. But, as the story developed and George managed to realize his life, I learned to appreciate him and even love him. I believe George's character should be a role model for people like him. I hope George pursues a better life after the change he has made.

Excellent work!

(100)

Daphna

Great Expectations

If you are looking for great expectations while reading a book, "Great Expectations" is the right book for you. Great Expectations is the thirteenth novel written by Charles Dickens. The book is considered one of the masterpieces of Dickens. The desire of Pip to become a gentleman, despite all the difficulties, and the irony in the story made me keep reading the novel.

Pip is a sensitive child, an orphan living under the care of his cruel sister and her husband, Joe. Joe loves and supports Pip unconditionally, even when Pip is ashamed of him and abandons him. Pip’s life changes after showing kindness to an escaped convict, Magwith. He becomes a wealthy man with a great education, unaware that his benefactor is a convict.

Pip rejects his upbringing in favor of a more refined life in London. His biggest hope is to become a gentleman. But when Pip discovers the identity of his benefactor, all his great expectations dissolve into shame of the convict and he is disgusted with himself for his gradual change. Despite his shame, he is obligated to protect his benefactor out of loyalty and gratitude.

In conclusion, I highly recommend you read this wonderful book. This novel teaches us a great lesson about friendship and loyalty. In addition, Charles Dickens is a distinctive author, and he has his own style of writing .

Excellent!

100

Daphna

It Is Our Responsibility

The problem of obesity can no longer be ignored. Alice Brown the nutritionist claims that people have to be more responsible for what they eat. I believe Mrs. Alice is right, because it is our responsibility to pay attention to what we eat.

Today, we are increasingly exposed to industrial food; processed fast food is more available than healthy food. Processed fast food not only affects the weight of our bodies, but also of our health. Cardiovas cular disease, cholesterol, blood pressure these are a few examples of what bad nutriotion can do. Therefore, we have to be careful and pay attention to the food we put in our mouths.

Moreover, I think everyone should worry about his own body and health because that is not the role of anyone else except us. Fast-food restaurants and unhealthy food will always exist, but the trick is to eat balanced meals.

In conclusion, proper nutrition is one of the most important things that we can do for our overall health.With an effective nutrition program, combined sports and healthy lifestyle, we will reduce weight, be healthy, feel and look wonderful. Because nothing is impossible!

Much better. Good work!
(92)
Daphna

Letter To The Editor

8 Mota Gur
Holon
September 22, 2009

The Editor
84 Rose street
Tel- Aviv, Israel

Dear Editor,

Concerning the article “Israel Mourns Assaf Ramon”, which was published in the website “Israel national news”, I would like to state my opinion about Assaf Ramon’s tragic accident. I think it is a very unfortunate incident, in which Israel lost one of its best sons.

Assaf Ramon was killed in tragic circumstances. Only three month after he graduated with honors the Pilot Course, he was killed when his plane crashed near Mount Hebron. I don't know exactly what happened to Assaf on the airplane in his last moments, but the only thing I know is that the plane fell apart into many pieces, like Assaf's body.

~

When his father, the first Israeli astronaut, was killed, Assaf always said he wished to follow in his father's path- to become the second Israeli astronaut. But neither of us thought that fate would choose the path of death. Thousands of people came to the cemetery of Nahalal, where Assaf was buried near his father, to pay their respects for the courageous pilot.

To conclude, when I heard the news, the day the accident occurred, I was very sad.But now the least we can do is send our warmest consolations to the Ramon’s family, and keep the memory of these two brave souls alive.

Yours truly,

Emilia Cooper

(97)

Daphna

The Horror Flight

The hope for a better new year was cut off instantly for Ramon’s family. On the thirteen of September the history repeated it -self. Six years after Ilan Ramon was killed, in the explosion of Columbia’s space shuttle, his older son, Assaf Ramon, was killed in an aerial accident during routine training in the I.A.F.

Assaf Ramon was killed in tragic circumstances. Only three month after he graduated with honors the Pilot Course, he was killed when his plane crashed near Mount Hebron. I don't know exactly what happened to Assaf on the airplane in his last moments, but the only thing I know is that the plane fell apart into many pieces, like Assaf's body.

When his father, the first Israeli astronaut, was killed, Assaf always said he wished to follow his father's path- to become the second Israeli astronaut. But neither of us thought that fate would choose the path of death. Thousands of people came to the cemetery of Nahalal, where Assaf was buried near his father, to pay their respects for the courageous pilot.

Assaf was one of a kind, the salt of the earth, loyal solder and beloved son of Israel. It is unperceived that we are talking about Assaf Ramon in the past tense. The least we can do is send our warmest consolations to the Ramon’s family, and keep the memory of these two brave souls alive.

May Ilan and Assaf Ramon rest in peace.

http://www.israelnationalnews.com/News/News.aspx/133408

(85)

Daphna

MADONNA

The first of September wasn’t only an exciting day for the Israeli students, but also an historic day for all of Madonna’s enthusiastic fans in Israel. For the first time since 1993, the Queen of Pop came back to Israel to sign a successful “Sticky and Sweet Tour”.

Madonna is considered the Queen of Pop, and she earned this title for endless years of work in the music industry. Madonna came to Israel during her amazing "Sticky and Sweet Tour", which became the highest grossing tour ever by a solo artist.

The previous time Madonna was in Israel was 16 years ago, but unfortunately, I didn’t know her at that time. Yet, even after 16 years, at the age of 51, she gave her best and spectacular tour, which once again proved who the real Queen here.

This year Israel has opened its gateways to several great international singers like Paul McCartney, Lady Gaga and Depeche Mode. But I think that Madonna's concert was the most electrifying event of the year. Madonna said during the concert that she couldn’t think of a better place than Israel since her last concert, and all we have to do is wait for the Queen’s next arrival to Israel.

This is much-much better. Good work!
(100)
Daphna

E.T Is Playing With Leaves

Michi(Winnie the pooh) and Hilush(Piglet) I love v-e-r-y alot of much!!!

E.T's friends

Daphna,

Please check again my writing task about peer pressure- “Be Yourself”.

Thank you, May.

My best friends and I do the blog...

Burge McCall

Burge McCall was a fat and unattractive man. Mr. McCall had a peculiar personality, since he constantly wanted to be in the focus of his wife's attention. He was very ungenerous with his wife, but very openhanded with other women. He barely had any respect for his wife, since teasing her was a conventional thing he did towards her.

Mrs. McCall was tall thin woman with black smoothed hair parted in the middle. The town’s people never used to call Mrs. McCall by her first name- Venita, since she wasn’t a very friendly person. Even though her husband treated her violently, she remained tranquil, didn't even try to restore her lost respect. She only looked at him with her big black eyes.

At the beginning of the story the reader can hardly see any positive aspect in the relationship between the two. Mr. McCall expressed his hatred towards his wife by using physical and verbal violence against her. Mrs. McCall would only look at him with her big black eyes. One day Mrs. McCall called her husband a big rat after he slapped her on the face. This was when Mrs. McCall knew she had to take action and avenge him for his behavior.

The turning point in the story happens when Mrs. McCall makes her husband think she is going to poison him for his cruel behavior. Her shrewd plan changes the couple’s marriage life significantly- Burge McCall’s stinginess is replaced with incredible generosity. He begins taking her to movies and picnics and once he even buys her an extraordinary sealskin coat. Moreover, Mr. McCall stops treating his wife vulgarly, and begin showing her love and kindness.

The story teaches us a lesson about relationships. The story describes a relationship between a bad husband and a patient wife. The wife is forced to tolerate her husband's violence, until one day she decides to take action. I believe this story may help women with marriage problems to stop being passive and begin taking action to make their lives happier.

"Burge McCall, you are a big rat"

In spite of your grammatical problem, this is a great essay.

(87)

Daphna.

HOMEWORK=SLAVERY?

Ben Berrafato, an eleven-year-old boy, expressed his objection to homework by saying that homework is nothing but slavery. This statement has created many questions and made me wonder whether homework is necessary. I believe that homework is a significant component of children's education, but it must be given in the right moderation.- good opening.

The main goal in home practice is to review the material covered in class. When the student copes with the material by himself, at home, he understands the material much better and developes new studying skills. Moreover, homework helps organize the students' schedule. When homework is given in several subjects, the student spends his time mainly preparing homework and not watching television.

However, an exaggerated amount of homework puts a lot of pressure on the student, whose studying ability may decrease(Explain this). Moreover, Social life is an important part of every one of us, and when the student spends most of his time on homework, it prevents him form hanging out with family and friends.

As we can see, homework can contribute to the students' studying and thinking, but it can also oppress the student when it is given in an exaggerated amount. Therefore, the best solution is to give homework in a moderate manner. Teachers can also give interesting assignments so that the student will be pleased to do them at home. - Very good conclusion!

(90)

Daphna.

E.T. In Space

E.T. In Space

Would you like to take part in researgh about space? There are people who go against the new suggestion that space exploration should be included among the top priorities of our country. I wonder whether they are right.

On the one hand, space exploration is a positive thing. Through space exploration, humanity may discover new materials that can contribute to important fields, such as medicine and technology. Moreover, exploring space may lead humanity to the betterment of our life quality. For example, a child lost somewhere can be easily found thanks to the Global Positioning System.

On the other hand, space exploration involves many disadvantages. Space exploration requires an incredible sum of money, when this money can be spent on much more important things, such as education and fighting crime and terrorism. In addition, exploring space may risk the lives of the astronauts sent to space. We have heard of many astronauts who lost their lives tragically for the sake of exploration.

To conclude, I believe space exploration should become a top priority of our country. Our government should invest much of its efforts to promote space exploration despite all the risks involved.

Good essay, May. Still, you will have to reorganize paragraph 1.

(87)

Daphna.

BE YOURSELF!

It was at the park. We were ten kids and the hour was midnight. Everyone was smoking cigarettes. They were drunk. Imagine they were only thirteen year old teenagers. It looked like everybody was influenced by each other. I was there. But I didn't drink or smoke until my "friends" pressured me and I couldn't refuse. I wanted to make this decision on my own, but they pressured me. I couldn't make my own decision and be myself.

The situation I described is called PEER PRESSURE. Peer pressure is a common youth problem all teenagers must be immuned against. Peer pressure is when you do something either because your peers have convinced you to or because all your peers are doing it. This situation makes you do some bad or immoral things you don't usually do.

If you think that this situation isn't going to happen to you – you're wrong! You may think it is far from happening to you, but this is a common situation, happening all the time and all over the world. If we all press each other to do something which isn't suitable for us, we will probably take decisions we might regret in the far, or even near, future.

The best way to avoid peer pressure is simply being yourself! Don't be afraid to make your voice heard! If your peers try to convince you to do something you believe is immoral, all you have to do is stand for your opinions and beliefs.

This essay seems more like an advice column than an opinion essay. It's good, but you need to reorganize it and make it into an essay, without the advice in paragraphs 3 and 4. (78)

Daphna.

Letter of Advice

03.01.09

Dear Alin,

I heard about your problem during the recent radio show and I know you think that there is no way to solve your dilemma. But I believe that looking on the matter differently may help you. I also had this problem a year ago, when a new girl joined my class and none of my friends tried to get to know her. I had to choose between helping a new student fit in in a new school and staying with my friends.

As I understand it, you don’t know what to do with your dilemma, but don’t worry – I know how to help you. First of all, I suggest you try to get to know her by speaking with her, although beginning conversation with an unfamiliar girl could be embarrassing. At first, try at least to ask for her welfare without paying attention to your friends' reaction.

Another advice I suggest you take seriously is listening to your inner voice. If you have the feeling that she is a nice girl and she might be even your friend, don't hesitate to speaking with her. When I was in this situation, I tried to get to know the new girl better and now she is my best friend and the best part is that I didn't even lose any of my friends.

I hope my advice will help you solve your problem and help the new girl fit in in your school. I am sure you will do the right thing! After all it is your decision!
Good Luck
May

Much better, May. Well done! (95)

Daphna.

The war against Hamas

My name is May Shervi, and I am a fifteen-year-old student. I would like to show my full support in Israel’s war against Hamas, the terrorist organization in Gaza. The citizens in the southern part of the country have suffered for 8 years from endless missiles attacks, missiles which are launched by heartless and evil terrorists. And now time has come to put an end to this unbearable routine of life.

Israel began the war in order to bring tranquility to its citizens by killing the Hamas terrorists. Israel doesn’t do it in order to kill innocent citizens in Gaza compared to the Hamas, which has killed innocent people for eight years already. If you ask me what is the thing that most of all makes me angry is the situation that has been created by the time the war began. They are the victims and we are the bad and the heartless people. The whole world looks at us as if we are the nasty here and that is not true – we are the victims because the Palestinian people allowed Hamas to take control over Gaza when they chose them.

To conclude I support this achievement. I want to wish luck to our Israeli Forces, and I hope that all our soldiers will come back safe and sound.